The Final Straw

The Final Straw

Today would’ve been our three year anniversary. And had she not aired our dirty laundry on Facebook, we’d still be together. But I really have to wonder whether or not we could’ve been happy together. I can honestly say that I was happy when we were a couple, and it’s definitely the happiest I’ve ever been in any relationship. And although I wasn’t pleased with her constant need for conflict, it wouldn’t have caused me to leave her. I loved her enough to accept it for what it was. She craves that kind of attention, and she probably hates me because I eventually denied her of that. But I really had no choice but to walk away, and I’m finally coming to terms with that decision. I know I made the right choice. And had it not ended when it did, it would surely have ended eventually. I understand now that she just can’t help but push people away when they get too close. 

As I had mentioned in my previous entry, I left her because she posted our arguments publicly. So it may seem hypocritical of me to share those same arguments now. But just to be clear, I now know that there will never be a chance for us to work things out. That being said, I no longer have any reason to stay quiet about it. And up until now, I’ve never once divulged any of this online. But since there is no way for us to fix things, it’s about time I get these feelings off my chest. I‘ve spent far too long holding onto the hope that we could work things out. So, even if she does change her mind in the future, that door is now permanently closed. 

Our first argument occurred the same night that I had friended her on Facebook. We were only together for two weeks at that time, and I honestly thought things were great between us. But on the night that I sent her a friend request, I had seen a post of hers that read, “relationships are tricky.” Of course, I had to ask her what she meant by that. If she felt there was an issue between us, why did I have to find out about it this way? But her response was that “not everything was about me,” and I had no right to be upset about it. If that was meant to make me feel better about her statement, she failed miserably. If it’s not about me, who else would it have been about? Was she dating other people while we were together? And if so, how many? Was I sharing her with other men? Did I really have no right to be upset about any of this? Well, I disagree. But this was the first time I had heard her say the words, “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” And that’s how every one of our arguments had ended from that moment on. Except, they never did end there. They all ended up on Facebook instead. 

Her behavior on Facebook ended up being the cause of all of our conflict, and I deeply regretted ever friending her there. The person I had fallen in love with was the complete opposite of the person she portrayed online. Or so I thought. I assumed it was just a show she was putting on to entertain her friends. And they certainly had a good laugh at my expense. But for some reason, Bunny saw nothing wrong with this, and it continued to be one betrayal after the next until I finally had to walk away. The people on her friends list were starting to hate me as a result of the things she was writing there. And frankly, I didn’t care what any of those people thought of me, but I was beginning to worry that they may end up being a danger to me personally. I’ve never had a single enemy in my life, but I was quickly gaining quite a few, and all of them were assigned to me by the person I was in love with. And again, she saw nothing wrong with this, and she continued to do it anyway, even after I begged her to stop. Honestly, I was beginning to fear for my safety, and I was no longer comfortable in her home. And just to reiterate, her home was about to be mine as well. As I mentioned before, I was already packed and ready to move in with her. But how could I go through with that when I didn’t even feel it was a safe place to be? And my discomfort was of no concern to her. 

So the arguments continued, and without any communication, compromise or understanding. The next one was about some pictures she had on Facebook. I had found a few photos of her and her ex boyfriend together, and they were pictures of the two of them making out. I didn’t have an issue with this, but I was curious as to why she’d want to keep them. She had told me that this person hurt her very badly and broke up with her in a pretty nasty way. So, naturally, I couldn’t understand why she would want to keep pictures of him, let alone intimate ones. Why would she want to be reminded of him if he hurt her? I didn’t think it was a normal thing to do, so I asked about it out of concern. Did she hope to one day get back together with him? Did she still love him? And if so, where did I stand? These are legitimate concerns, and I felt justified in asking. But I never even got to express any of these concerns to her. Instead, she turned it into an argument, saying that I had no right to tell her what she is or isn’t allowed to share on Facebook. Well, I attempted to clear up that confusion, but it only infuriated her more. And as usual, our argument ended with the typical response, “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” And as always, it went straight onto Facebook afterwards. But when she posted about it, she told her friends that I was asking her to delete those photos. Not only did I not say that, but I never would have. Those are her property, and I acknowledge and respect that. I would never say such a thing to anyone, ever. But this is how I found out what she was upset about that night, by reading about it on Facebook. And if she really thought this was what I was asking of her, all she had to do was talk to me about it, and I could’ve cleared it up immediately. But I was never given that chance. 

After that, her ex boyfriends became a regular topic in our everyday conversations, and she brought them up almost every time we were together. This was starting to annoy me, because I really didn’t like hearing about them. Most people wouldn’t, so I know I’m not alone in this. But moreover, it bothered me that she was dwelling on the past instead of focusing on our present. And more importantly, I just wanted us to focus on our future together. So, I asked her if she could stop talking about them. I’m sure you can already guess how that turned out. But as usual, she misunderstood my intention and never allowed me a chance to defend myself. And then it ended up on Facebook. No surprise there. But this time, it was worse, because she also announced (publicly) that she had spoken with her therapist about this argument. But what she told her therapist is that I asked her to “erase a part of her past.” That’s exactly how she phrased it. Now, I’d like to make a very important point here. I’m fully aware that every moment of her past, whether good or bad, pleasant or unhappy, have molded her into the woman that she is today, for better or worse. And it’s these experiences that made her into the woman I loved. So why the fuck would I want her to erase a single moment of her life? And why would she tell people this when I never even said it in the first place? Again, this could’ve easily been resolved with a conversation. But of course, I wasn’t allowed, because she “didn’t want to talk about it anymore.” Well, clearly, she did want to talk about it. She just didn’t want to talk to me. She’d much rather talk “about me,” instead of talking “to me.”

But the last straw for me finally came on the night of our two month anniversary, after she’d announced that a friend of hers had cancer. Coincidentally, another friend of mine had shared an article that same night about the benefits of baking soda and how it can be used to treat cancer. I thought some of the topics in that article might be useful, so I forwarded it to Bunny in the hopes that it might be of interest to her friend. I think it’s fairly obvious that my intentions here were good, but Bunny decided to rip me a new asshole for sending her this article. I didn’t even know at the time if she was joking or not, but I couldn’t even guess at how this might’ve upset her. But as usual, this argument went on Facebook, and then ensued a tongue-lashing like you wouldn’t believe – and not just from her, but from all of her friends as well. And this last incident came only one week after I went to her apartment to break up with her for sharing our arguments publicly. So, naturally, this was the end of the line for me. And this was the third time after I begged her to stop. 

But it wasn’t until a whole year later that a friend of mine had finally found out why she was upset that night. And as always, the answer was found on Facebook. Apparently, Bunny thought I believed that baking soda could cure cancer. But instead of asking me if that’s what I thought, she just assumed this instead. And to this day, three years later, she’s still telling people the exact same lie. So you see, all of our arguments ended with her making some pretty poor assumptions about me, and each of her assumptions were way off the mark. But it was never worth it to her to just discuss these things with me in a civil, mature manner. And because of that, I honestly can’t believe that I ever meant anything to her at all. I really don’t mind being misunderstood, but I’ve never been in a situation where I wasn’t even allowed to speak in my own defense. Not until I met Bunny. And because of her, I now have over 1,000 people blocked on Facebook, which is basically ten times the amount of friends I have there. And to think, this all could’ve been avoided if she had just shared her feelings with me directly. 

So, my closing statement in this entry is this: Happy anniversary, Bun Bun. My love for you was very real, and I wish you would’ve let me show you. 

Here lies what could’ve been a very beautiful future together. Rest In Peace, forevermore. 

June 28th, 2015 — August 28th, 2015

“Good-bye to you, too.”

— David 

(Next up: The Aftermath)